How to Understand Common Miscommunications in Relationships
By Laura Tedesco, Men's Health
Your Internet history isn't the only secret in your relationship. In a study from Texas A&M University, people admitted to occasionally misleading their partner. When they got married, that number dropped significantly, but it still happens. "People weigh the pros and cons of honesty versus lying," says Susan Shapiro Barash, author of Little White Lies, Deep Dark Secrets: The Truth About Why People Lie. "Often they find that small lies serve them more than the truth."
A partner's dishonesty may come from a place of compassion or an attempt to please or placate you. But, the truth is, no one wants to feel deceived. So when should your intuition sound? Listen for these common phrases and understand the context behind them.
"This dress was on sale."
Sometimes, people downplay the cost of items to avoid conflict about spending habits. "This is often taught by family: Always downplay. Never reveal how much something really cost," says Barash. The need to protect one's image may overpower the desire for honesty.
"You have the biggest penis I've ever seen."
This is what psychologists call an "altruistic lie"—an untruthful compliment designed to shield you from embarrassment. "It's not like it really matters to us, but it matters to men," says Lorraine. "So we'll stroke their egos."
"I've only slept with two people."
People may minimize their number of sexual partners to seem more appealing. "Women always minimize how many sexual partners they've had, mostly because they want to seem pristine," says Barash.
"I don't want anything for our anniversary."
Sometimes, people say what they think their partner wants to hear, but still expect a surprise. "We don't want to seem needy or demanding," says Lorraine. "It's silly, but we want our partner to read our minds."
"I'm in no hurry to have kids."
There may be a timeline in mind, even if it isn't expressed openly. "Women know men don't like to be rushed," says Lorraine. "So we act like we're cool, but really, once we hit a certain age, we're freaking out inside."
"I'm totally cool with your poker nights."
While your partner may enjoy their own time, they also value time spent together. "No one wants to seem needy," says Barash. "So they won't be totally honest about their feelings toward your commitments."
"I wouldn't change anything about you."
While this may be an expression of love, there might be small things they wish were different. "When it comes to the big picture, people will rarely rock the boat," says Barash. "But they might wish for small changes."
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