A Stressful Marriage Can Kill You: See 9 Strategies for Coping

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Stress in a marriage can take a very serious toll on the relationship with your spouse. In fact, there are several recent studies that demonstrate the impact that a stressful relationship can have on your health and that of your spouse. Too much relationship stress can actually kill you. So how can you protect your health and the health of your spouse by dealing with marital stress effectively?

Stress can bring a whole new set of challenges to your own marriage. But the truth is, the damage can be prevented. Our research over the years suggests that there are a number of useful strategies that you can use to not only deal with the everyday stresses of marriage, but that can also strengthen your marriage at the same time and, perhaps, save your life.  

Nine strategies for dealing with stress in your marriage:

Talk openly about your feelings and emotions as they relate to stress in your marriage. In times of stress, most people's tendency is to keep everything bottled up inside or explode with the slightest disagreement. However, this approach will not work if you want your marriage to survive and thrive. In successful marriages couples talk about everything. All subjects are fair game. They trust each other. They rely on each other’s good judgment. They depend upon each other for truth and straight talk. They share insights about everything — the good, the bad and the ugly. They are each other’s best friends.

1. Approach all financial challenges with teamwork and open communication. Balancing the family budget requires teamwork, especially when you face burdens like aging parents, children or even unemployment. You and your partner must have common goals to effectively deal with financial stress. People in love support each other through thick and thin, through tough times and uncertainty. If you don’t work together to address the economic challenges of your relationship, there is little hope of success.
2. Don’t blame each other when things get tough, as casting blame never works. The blame game doesn’t work in love and marriage and it is destructive. There is a natural tendency in tough times to blame the one you love for your collective misfortune and stress, but people in love don’t blame, castigate or chastise each other in challenging times. The truth is, there usually is no one to blame for most situations. Someone has to take care of the stresses of marriage and the job just fell to you and your spouse.
3. Don’t wallow in self-pity. No problem has ever been solved by feeling sorry for yourself or your situation. It is a wasted emotion. Successful couples grab "the bull by the horns" and work toward solutions. They recognize that running a household is not easy. Making a family work is clearly difficult even in the best of times and even more challenging when you have many stressors to deal with.
4. Make a concerted effort to keep the flame of your love affair alive with each other everyday. What type of priority do you place on making time for fun and romance with each other in your hectic lives? Can you rattle off a list of activities, topics and places you and your spouse include in your personal book of fun and romance? If you cannot answer these questions easily, you need to start today by carving out time to have a romantic date with each other, bring home flowers, get a hotel room, go for a long walk together, drink a bottle of wine, watch the sunset, write a love note or even just snuggle in bed a little longer in the morning.
5. Enhance your love relationship by providing each other occasional time for privacy and aloneness. The recognition of the absolute need for privacy and aloneness is critical to successful marriages. The amount of time available to satisfy these two needs varies between couples, and can increase during times of stress. We live such hectic lives at work and at home that the time to be alone with our own thoughts is paramount to our ability to engage in any meaningful communication with each other. The quality of your communication will improve after you've refreshed your mind and spirit with alone time. You have to belong to yourself before you can belong to others.
6. Remember that the "Simple Things Matter" in marriage and they need to be practiced each day. Thirty-two years of research on love and successful marriage has taught us many things, but first and foremost that no love has blossomed or been sustained without doing the "simple things." Big things don’t matter until your relationship has mastered the art of doing the simple things day in and day out in your relationship with the one you love. Too often when we are engaged in stressful life situations we forget to just do the "simple things" for the one we love the most. Try engaging in simple acts of kindness, like spontaneous feel good moments, sharing a shower together and hugging often. Simple acts of kindness add up.
7. Develop a network of support from family, friends and relatives. You and your spouse do not have to deal with the stress all by yourself. Solicit support from family, aunts, uncles or neighbors. Don’t be shy about asking for help. Don’t be deluded into thinking you can or even should do it alone. Your friends and family want to support you through thick and thin. Take full advantage of their willingness to help.
8. Staying healthy and happy, both physically and mentally, should be the highest priority for both you and your spouse. Engage in a daily exercise program. Eat lots of fruits and vegetables, take your vitamins and any prescription medications. And don’t forget your annual physical exams. It is nearly impossible to take care of others when you don’t take of yourself.

Dealing with the many stressors in your marriage and in life can be a real challenge. Dealing with them effectively could not only save your marriage, but save your life.